Yahoo’s Most Important News

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Today, I think I’ll just go to and comment on the first “news” story I see. Ah, here we go; “Feuding Rock, Vin Diesel Kept Apart by Handlers”. My first thought is, “Wow, what an active rock!”, shortly followed by “handlers?”. The rock they’re referring to is the actor/buff guy Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. My name would be Abby “The Lump” Sanders. Has a nice ring to it, no? Anyway, The Rock and Vin Diesel are stars of the super-cheesy and overrated movie saga, The Fast and The Furious. I’m not a huge fan if you can’t tell. To summarize, old Vinny was late to set and maybe even a jerk, so The Rock wrote a strongly worded, but very vague Facebook post (OOOOH, Girl). Vin was “publicly fingered” (WHAT) “as the source of Johnson’s social media outburst” (Whew, I was worried there). I’d like to make a public announcement directed at you both: WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST BE FRIENDS AND GET ALONG. Both of you just apologize, send a nice fruit basket, and secretly hate each other for the rest of forever like a real adult. Until next time,



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